Bye-bye, Birdie
by Freida Right
Summary: Jasmine has vanished, and Jarred has a feeling it has to do with something painful. He sets out to find his little girl, determined to bring her home. Alone in the Forests of Silence, now is as good a time as any to resolve an unfinished battle, and put their worst selves behind them.


Because a re-read and subsequent re-watch left me thinking that a certain father and daughter needed to discuss a certain battle in a certain arena. Watching that scene always makes me tear up just a little.

*me, screaming* JASMINE NO HE'S YOUR DADDY HE'S COME BACK TO YOU JASMINE STAHP!

*mother, screaming* FREIDA GO PLAY OUTSIDE!

Also let it be known that I have yet to read the Shadowlands series, nor have I been able to find the episodes dubbed in a language I can understand. (I refuse to watch the anime in Japanese. Leif sounds like a girl, and Jasmine sounds like she's 5, and I can't take it for more than a few minutes at a time, so there.) Just for the moment, let's pretend Shadowlands didn't or hasn't happened yet. ;)

So, this. It bears undertones of the books as well as the anime. Though they are very different, they mesh together quite well. Kind of like Jasmine and Jarred? Hey, I like that. Enjoy!

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_Bye-bye, Birdie_

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It was late spring, and it showed all across the eastern region of Deltora. The sun was shining, with few clouds to get in its way, and the warm wind blew softly, carrying the sweet scent of flowers. The area around the city of Del had sprung back to life over the last year or so, after the desolation that had gripped it for 16 long, dark, bitter years. It was becoming hard to tell that the Shadow Lord had ever been so close, or that Gray Guards had once tramped unhindered up and down the roads.

And so it was that Jarred now walked unhindered, down the winding road that led to the Forests of Silence. It wasn't a place he particularly wished to revisit, and had frequently sworn not to-there were too many terrible memories in its shadows. Today, though, he had discovered a gray area to that oath. Jasmine had been missing from Del for several days now; no one had seen her in nearly a week. She was unused to the city, and it usually wasn't surprising if she vanished for a day or two into the open countryside, just to get away from it all. Nobody blamed her, and allowed her to come and go as she pleased. At any rate, she always came back.

This time, it was different. Jarred had sensed before she left that his only daughter was troubled by something, but she hadn't spoken a word of it to anyone. Not even to Leif, who was like the brother she had never had. Not even to her father, who had returned to her as she had always hoped. Wherever she was, he had a feeling that she was working through something painful, unsure of how to address it, even to those she trusted most. It seemed that these troubles had kept her away longer than normal, until she had resolved them for herself.

If this was the case, he also had a feeling that he knew where to look for her. If she was so deeply upset, he suspected that she had gone to the one place where she felt most at home.

To the dreaded Forests of Silence.

Jarred sincerely did not want to go back there, and wondered how Jasmine could stand to do so. But if his beautiful little girl was in trouble, he intended to be there for her. No fear and no oath was great enough to keep him from her, now that they had each other once again.

Not that having each other once again was always easy. As much of a relief as it was to be reunited, there were still moments when they looked back on how annoyed they had been with each other—how mistrustful and even malicious they had been. There were still days when it was awkward and painful to be in the same room together. And there was still the hard fact that his little girl was hardly a little girl anymore. Jasmine would be 18 this summer, a fully grown and capable woman. He honestly had no idea how he should feel about that; but if he was honest with himself, he was saddened and just a bit scared.

Entering the first of the Forests was never easy, even for a brave man, who had grown up on tales of its hidden terrors. Jarred tried not to hesitate as he continued down the path and under the cover of the trees, but he did, anyway. The place held more terrors for him than the average man; given the many horrible things he had weathered and accomplished in his life, he chose to forgive the hesitation. If Jasmine had been there, she would have done the same. After all, it wasn't he who had been left to grow up here all alone.

Even if they still had their troubles, they always forgave each other's flaws. Between the two of them, there were many. Most of them shared, he thought with a rueful smirk.

He didn't have to go far to pick up the faint trail off the main road, which led into the trees and continued on a ways to a stream. He veered off the road and vanished into the deeper shadows, where he had once hoped that he and his family might finally be safe from the Gray Guards. It had only taken a few short years to find that this hope had been misplaced, because of course they had come, eventually. He bit back the pang of regret that struck him as he ventured forward, driven by determination and no small amount of worry.

Jasmine had often remarked that she frequently went back to the Forests, and that taking this narrow trail always felt like coming home. The trees in this area had raised her, and she knew every one of them by name and voice. They always welcomed her back; she said it was like seeing beloved friends again. This forest was still her home, not a way place or a vacation house, and she still loved it.

Jarred wondered about that as he walked. It had never once felt like home to him, and it certainly did not today. As much as he wanted to find his child, he mostly wanted to do so quickly, so he could collect her and get out as soon as possible. She had done well for herself in those 10 years; but he still didn't think was a healthy place for her to be, any more than he had when she had been born.

He didn't stop to look at the stream—the last place he had seen his wife—he just crossed it in a few strides, willing himself not to glance over his shoulder at it. The temptation was nearly unbearable, but he knew it would only bring him grief and delay him from his mission. The place where they had lived wasn't far away, now. He knew that wasn't where he would find Jasmine, though. She said she never went there, either. Yet another terrible pain they shared.

But she was close by. He could feel it.

"Up here, daddy."

Relieved to hear Jasmine's voice for the first time in days, Jarred peered up into the trees. It sounded like she must be right above him, but he couldn't see her through the branches and leaves.

"How did you know it was me?" he called out, hoping she would show herself. Just as he had hoped, she came swinging out of the thick foliage of a nearby tree, and landed to sit and let her legs dangle over a low branch.

"The trees said someone was coming," she answered, unsmiling. "I thought it might be you."

It was impossibly good to see her face again, even thought it was still clouded by warring emotions. He approached slowly, until he was standing right below her.

"Do you mind if I join you up there?"

"Be my guest."

He supposed he really was her guest right now. He quickly scaled the trunk of the tree, and made his way clumsily to the branch where his daughter was sitting. He was glad to finally sit beside her, no longer having to balance for his life.

"You're quite good at this," he remarked. "You make this place seem less frightening."

She shrugged without facing him. "Its home."

She was being very blunt, and very quiet. That was unlike her, and it bothered him.

"We've been missing you in Del," Jarred continued. "Actually, your absence has everyone worried. You've never been away for so long. Are you alright?"

"Just a little... Upset over some things. I'll be fine."

"Tell me. I am your father. You know you can tell me anything."

"No, no, it's really nothing," she answered a little too quickly, shaking her head and sending her dark, wild hair flying. Jarred noticed with a start that Filli wasn't on her shoulder, or even hiding in her hair as he often did. Looking around, he also noticed that Kree was nowhere to be seen, either.

"Jasmine, where are your small friends?" he asked amiably.

"Oh, somewhere, I'm sure. I just needed some space. They've been worried, too; it isn't like them, but it was nice of them to leave me alone for a little while."

It was hard for anyone to picture Jasmine so alone. Because she was never truly alone, as long as her furred and feathered friends were with her. They never left her. What could be bothering her this badly?

He decided not to probe too much yet. Instead they sat in neutral silence, just listening to the sounds of the forest around them. The trees whispered as the wind rustled their leaves. Birds sang in the treetops above them. Small animals scuttled in the undergrowth below them. It seemed almost normal. All of a sudden, it seemed like it was any other forest. It was serene.

"It's the time for the games," Jasmine mentioned suddenly. "If Leif hadn't banned them, anyway. I'm glad that he did. They were terrible."

Ah. So that was what was bothering her so badly.

"A genius trap," Jarred agreed. "I'm glad he shut them down, myself."

Another silence passed between them, as Jasmine seemed to search for the words for what she was feeling. As, perhaps, she tried to decide whether or not she wanted to speak them at all.

"I've been thinking a lot about what happened in Rithmere," she said at last. "I had happily forgotten about it... And then Leif mentioned it last week. It was exactly two years ago, three days ago."

"Already? Has it really been so long?" Jarred mused quietly, an entirely different set of bad memories coming over him. "Then again, perhaps not so long, at all."

"Not long enough."

"So that was why you left."

"At first, it just bugged me. It had hoped that anniversary would simply come and go, like so many other have—quickly and quietly, without anyone bringing it up. Hearing him bring it up so suddenly, talking about it as if was no big deal, as if it were just another thing that had happened... For some reason, it was really painful."

"He doesn't understand what it meant for you," Jarred suggested. "It meant a great deal for me, as well. It isn't his fault. He wasn't the one stuck in that arena."

"It still hurt me, though," Jasmine continued. Now that she had started, it seemed she couldn't stop herself. "It's painful to remember, because when I remember what happened in the arena, it's not even like I'm remembering myself. It's like I'm remembering someone else entirely. Some other girl named Birdie, who is somehow all the worst parts of me, with none of the good."

"You are not that person, Jasmine. You never were."

"But that's the problem, father. I was that person. For however brief a moment, I wasn't Jasmine anymore. Leif and Barda didn't even recognize me anymore; they didn't say so, but I know it's true. When I tried to explain what happened, they acted like it was no big deal—they said that anyone else would have done the same. But they don't understand. They don't know what it's like to become nothing but a shadow of themselves. They don't know what it's like to become a monster."

Jarred felt his throat tighten, knowing what he had to say for his own self.

"...And I did that to you," he admitted slowly, forcing the hard words out. "I had no idea who we were then... But that doesn't excuse anything. No good man taunts a child like that, no matter what the circumstances are. You were far from the only monster in the arena that day. You could say, Doom was the same thing: my worst self, acting in my place. A mere shadow of a person, which I had become."

Jasmine paused again, pulling her knees up to her chin. Glancing sideways at her, he thought he saw her brilliantly green eyes shimmering with tears.

"That was the first time I saw Dain..."

Jarred had nothing to say to that comment. Dain and the monster he had really been all that time was another issue completely. One that no one could ever fully forgive themselves for. Jarred couldn't help the short, rueful laugh that burst out of his mouth.

"It's funny," he said, grimacing with memory. "Birdie and Doom were bad enough. They tore each other apart, while the _real_ monster stood in front of them all along. What monsters they were, indeed."

"I never want to be like that again. I wasted so much time and energy in those short minutes. I had never been so angry in all my life. I... I hated you so much. It's been so hard to remember, so hard to think about. But I hadn't thought about it before. All of a sudden, I couldn't _stop_ thinking about it, and it hurt even more. I keep wanting to go back to the city... But I just can't face everyone like that."

"Like what? Everyone is worried about you. They will all be overjoyed to see you again. And you know that Leif is next to useless without you; he can't function without you to keep him in line, you know."

Finally, Jasmine smiled faintly. "Yeah, I know."

But the smile faded just as suddenly as it had appeared. "But father... Daddy... What if... What if she's still in there somewhere? What if Birdie is a bigger part of me than I realize? What if I become her again? If that happened, I just don't know what I would do. I don't think I could ever go back again."

Amazed and slightly outraged that she could think such a thing of herself, Jarred finally moved to touch his child. He placed his large hand against her small face, and gently turned her face to look at him.

"Jasmine, listen to me now," he said a little more fiercely than he had meant to. "You are not a bad person. You are one of the most good and wonderful people I have ever had the privilege of knowing. But know this: even the very best of us do bad things, sometimes. We seldom mean to, but it happens. It is part of _being_ human. But our mistakes do not make us bad people. Bad people do bad things without remorse, for the genuine pleasure of it. Perhaps that sounds like Birdie the monster; but to me, it sounds nothing like my brave, strong, beautiful Jasmine."

This time her smile was a little stronger, and had a hint of her old, familiar teasing to it. "To me, it sounds like a cheesy dad lesson."

Jarred smiled back. "10 years is a lot of time to make up for, and there is very little time left. I need to get in as many as I can, before your birthday. Once you become an adult, I suppose you will need me less than ever."

"Don't be silly," she laughed, playfully shrugging him off. "It's not like turning 18 magically makes me an adult. I've practically _been_ an adult since I was 12, anyway."

"Yes, that is true," he agreed.

"But that doesn't mean I didn't need you then. And it doesn't mean I won't need you later. I've always needed you, daddy, and I always will. I know we don't always get along, even now; but I wouldn't trade having you back for anything in the world."

"Well, that's a relief," Jarred teased back, stretching his arms wide. "Because there are plenty of 'dad lessons' left where that came from. We still have to discuss boys, and argue about curfew, and I am sure I haven't scolded you enough about something you wear. You know, typical dad stuff."

"Oh, great," Jasmine groaned. "I take it back, I don't need your help."

They shared a laugh over that, and Jarred felt a sense of peace that he hadn't felt in days. His beautiful little girl was right: just because they had been separated didn't mean that they hadn't needed each other, or that they wouldn't need each other in the future.

"So," Jasmine said decidedly, "now that Birdie is out of the way, I think I can finally go back to Del. I've missed everyone, too."

"We can get out of this tree, then?"

She gave him a quizzical look. "You don't like it up here?"

"Well... I've never had a head for heights, if you must know."

Jasmine snorted with laughter. "That suddenly explains a lot."

While she hopped from the branch to land gracefully on the ground below, Jarred found himself clumsily found himself scrambling back down the tree's trunk. But Jasmine waited patiently for him to catch up, understanding and forgiving of his slowness and caution.

"And another thing," he said with false sharpness, "don't go jumping out of trees like that. You could hurt yourself."

She scoffed. "Dad lesson?"

"Only on principle," he answered with a wink.

As they walked back to the main road in companionable silence, a warm breeze blew through the trees. It gently stirred their hair and clothes, bringing the sweet scent of flowers with it. Jasmine sighed sort of sadly.

"The forest is saying goodbye," she said quietly. "The trees are sad to see me going, but they hope I come back soon."

"I smell that the jasmine vines are as well as ever," Jarred commented, breathing in the sweet scent. "Your mother loved them; they were one of our few comforts, in those first few months. In a world that had become a darker and more dangerous place than ever before, the blossoms seemed the last pure and good thing left in all the world. They gave us hope. If something of such beauty could thrive in a place like this, then surely, so could we. And so could our child.

"Which is why we named you after them. Hardly a name for a monster, wouldn't you agree?"

To his slight surprise, she took his hand in her own.

"I couldn't agree more."

It was harder than ever to believe that Birdie and Doom had ever existed. They seemed farther behind them than ever before. And the best part was that they never needed to come back again. The future was too important and too bright to let those shadows be in the way.

It was going to be a good future.


End file.
